Life after SPM...

Well...its actually 2 months after SPM..I don't think i actually realize this..
Unlike some people who actually use their free time wisely, such as starting A-levels or at least working...I think i am just trying my entire holiday.
I wanted to join BRATS and couldn't even finish the essay about myself..Although 21/2 is the closing..I think i will work on it after this :P
I think i have not been very productive at home..But glad to say I actually worked 3 whole days..It was quite an experience though..And the best part is I get paid!! Yeah...
I think i have a confession to make..
I think i am not a very productive person in the sense where I dont have the initiative to actually apply for programs or even look for jobs on my own. I nned others to make the 1st move for me..Example:

1. I actually had a chance to apply for AFS (student exchange program) to Japan..and
guess what? I actually convinced myself i shouldn't coz my others applied for it, and there is only a slim chance of me getting it
Evaluation : I think that was only an excuse.I think i was just saving the trouble of going through all the application forms and had no guts to just go for the interview...like what they say, u never try, u never know...Which is true...I didn't even try and already told myself it is not worth a try..

2. I wanted to join the ship-Doulos...And guess what? I didnt even call up and ask..
That wasn't so hard, right?
Eva.:I guess i always make plans but hardly even try. Come to think of it, i guess i might be accepted because i'm there as a volunteer. Besides, it would be something to remeber and not waste my holiday lying at home..just reading or watching tv..

3. I was eager to take a part time job. What do u know? I have national service coming up..Plus I must attend youth and sunday worship..There is no job which could be able to bend for my driving lessons too..
Eva : I think i was giving so many excuses and not taking the initiative to just ask around for a job. Imagine, Wai Siang is studying and he actually got a job in Miracle Star. They are even off on Sunday. I night even ask for a half day job on Sat and that would actually solve my prob.

3. I was planning to give tuition if all my plans abve don't work. Well, started off when a restaurant waitress actually asked if i was giving any..well not exactly asking me first, just wanted to know where she could get tuition for her children..But i was so thrilled that i would only 'use my brains' to earn money..Which is great,not really tiring in the sense as it is only for an hour or 2 for a day. But then, she never call..Just great, end of that thought. But i actually said i would give Bio tuition for f4 students instead. That would be easy as i hav Susan Loo's notes..
And, you know what happen next, end up only 2 students(including Eliz) and then they had dancing class on that day or something...and ended up being no tuition at all...
Eva: I think i have a problem of not persevering enough...I always think of doing many things bu ti just dont have the fire to carry out right till the end. I get bored easily and that really must be changed or else i would have a hard time working next time..
Like my piano class for the 2 girls-Debbie and Angelina...Even the boys..I think i am making empty promises...

The only thing i felt i did right was to take my driving lessons and tmr will be the big day, and i hope it would be the end of all...I really hope i would pass it once and for all..Even Yun Ying failed it...well, it is not by my strength but the leading of the Holy Spirit i would say..Just pray hard, do my best and leave the rest to God :)

Trust God

The recent news of the failing of my Grade 8 practical is devastating for me. I know i composed the song ' A Miracle' for a purpose. There are times when u can muster all your courage and faith and say,' I can do it'...But sometimes, we doubt and ask ourselves- is it possible?

Faith doesn't come that easily. This is the lesson i learnt from this. Everything happen for a purpose,that's what we believe too. Sometimes we look at someone and see such faith and confidence in them, but never realise how that faith was nurtured. Its true when we often try to fool God by exclaiming we trust Him, but deep down inside...We are doubting him. Its like an unseen current moving and pulling you deeper by your own thoughts... Well, got to learn to pick yourself up when u fall...Most importantly, know that God is there to fill us when we are empty..

exam...

when I see the word exam,
I feel a surge of panic, a sudden adrenaline rush..
and ask " what, again?"
but this time, for my mid year exam,
i encounter the most extraordinary thing...
it sort of changed my whole concept and feeling of exam...
it all happen on saturday...
it was a busy and usual saturday, the day where we went to ACS for our interschool fellowship..
it was an interesting session, Pastor Jason Fong was sharing about the Bible..
then, we went for lunch and it was kinda late and i was really worried because i felt i had no time to revise for my coming exam (which is the following tues)
so i was so tension and tired, but i wasn't in the mood to study and needed sleep...
eventually, i 'mustered all my courage' to take a nap..
low and behold, daddy just finish a movie, and started to eli..
he even switched on all the lights in the hall!!
ok, how am i suppose to sleep in that condition?
i was so frustrated and impatient..
guess what, i stood up and shouted, "how am i suppose to sleep in this situation?"
and ran upstairs into my room..
i guess everyone was shock and there was silence for a few seconds..
after that,at 4.30 was suppose to be the boling session..
i was undecided on wethew to go for it or just stay at home..
in the end, i had decided to go and the worst part is, we was LATE!
sue ann and ju greeted us with a big 'u r LATE' welcome speech...
how great huh?when u r felling at the bottom of the world, ur friends just dug it deeper..lol
at that time, i was at the breaking point and i couldn't take it much longer so i was like..
"i can't take it. I feel terrible...i didnt want to come..."
then, my tears started welling in my eyes... it was then melissa and sue ask..why>?esther..
is it because of exams?i dumbly and numbly nodded and tried to control myself...
that time, my parents were still around and i didn't want them to fuss about it..
so,i tried getting over it and to enjoy the Bowling Day..after all, we r suppose to have fun...
ok..skip all the parts...
i realise Joanne was also feeling down.
that time..i felt: hey, i am not the only one feeling stress here..
she was also filled to the brim with school activities and i guess hers is much worst...
at that time, i even counselled her...can u believe that?haha, nor can i
later at night, i don't know how Eileen found out about the whole ' esther is really stressed out' incident where she decided to have a 'chat' with me...
everyone knows that eileen's 'chat' doesn't mean anything good...ha ha
and later that night,i felt and realised something..
exam really isn't everything..
there r small and insignificant thing s like hanging out with our family that really matters..
there r exams in life that we may need to go through but...
come on, exam really isn't everything...like eileen said, " don't cry over small things like exams, in life, you will go through even more "
and with this, i end this long grandmother story with a word of advice:
if we take exam as our enemy, we will never benefit from it; but if we think it useful, we might actually see the beauty of it :) ...of course not excluding the stress and panda eyes...hahahaha

stressful

well...

this is my first time blogging...so do bear with me...

might be too excited though..

today was quite a long day for me..

hectic schedule..

school...then piano class...which was the worst in the whole day...

i just dont understand,was i thta bad?

maybe i was..

who shud i blame,never really practice for the whole week...

'it was hardly passable, aim for accuracy' that is what i hear almost every lesson...

i tried i best, i want to do well, but how?

i try to used my time wisely, i try to make full use of my time..

i always tell myself that God has a season and the right time for everything...

but sometimes i just can't take it anymore..

life is more than scoring As in exams...

passing piano exams and God didnt create me to suffer..

but somehow,i know the will always be sunshine after a rainy day...

its a matter of patient...patient...

well, i do hope i would have to strength to pull myself back together..have the faith in God....

Esther, esther...don't pressurise yourself :)

take a deep breath, relax, and start thinking about your future....

what else can i say?

sorry if i sound mad or clueless....

this is what my true feelings r...